During the many seasons I recapped The Apprentice, one of the most popular features of my articles was something I originally intended just to make fun of Donald Trump. Every week, he'd have some dumbass words of wisdom, which I dubbed the Trump Lesson of the Week. Usually, they were really obvious, like, "Crush the Competition." I would dutifully recount these, then would offer the Betsy Lesson of the Week. They'd be words of wisdom, such as to keep important tickets in your underwear drawer so you'd know where to find them when you were looking for them. My readers loved them.
My past couple of posts have gotten some nice comments (hello, lovely people), including a marriage proposal from Nancy. They also seem to be begging for Betsy Lessons of the Week, so here are a few for you all.
Reindeer Sandwiches: Cheryl asked how to make reindeer sandwiches. They could not be easier. You make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (or any kind of sandwich, on the theory that maybe your kid recognizes more than one kind of sandwich, unlike mine. Then, you cut it into triangles, which I think we all know is the way that sandwiches taste best. Arrange them on the plate so that the crust is at the top and the bottom points down. Stick two pretzel rods in the top for antlers. Make eyes and noses with raisins. If you're feeling fancy, use a teeny bit of honey to make the raisins stick. Extra Cool Mommy Points if you use a red M&M (the mini ones are best) to make one of the reindeer Rudolph.
The Dishes: The part of the house that gets the biggest, most challenging mess is definitely the kitchen. I mean, every other room, really, all you have to do is put stuff away, and that's not so hard. But the kitchen, you've got to actually clean things. And it's a neverending battle-fight (as Jack would say) because the dirty dishes just keep on coming. I have found that it is absolutely essential to stay on top of them. If there is a dishwasher full of clean dishes, that means that all of the dirty dishes stack up in the sink, which means that I can't really use the sink, and that when I do empty the dishwisher, I have to spend too much time filling it again, and I have to run it again right away, and... ACK! So, as soon as that bitch is full, I run it. And as soon as the cycle is done, it gets emptied. It makes a HUGE difference in my life.
It should be noted, by the way, that I can be really anal about certain things. This being one of them.