My friend K has helped me to accept the guilty pleasure that is celebrity gossip. Technically, I know that I have no business spending any of my time pondering the train wrecks that are Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Or wondering if Sarah Michelle Gellar is pregnant. Or hoping that Katie Holmes manages to break free from her captors. They aren't people that I know, so it's none of my concern what they do with their lives, and maybe SMG just wore a slightly loose top one day, that doesn't exactly make her pregnant.
And yet, I find it good fun to read about the latest exploits of Brad, Angelina, and their gorgeous children, or to make jokes about Alec Baldwin's parenting skills, or to marvel at the freakishly skinny shoulder blades of Posh Spice Beckham.
Anyway, I've lately been thinking about celebrity relationships, and I'll tell you, some of them seem kind of fake to me. Like these people weren't all so much in love than they were looking for publicity. Their relationships seem almost political. Consider who some of them have dated.
Ben Affleck dated Gwyneth Paltrow back in the day. Does she have anything at all in common with Ben's later girlfriends (and wife) Jennifer Lopez or Jennifer Garner? Can you imagine those three women having anything in common?
Or take Jennifer Lopez herself. She dated PuffyDaddyDiddy, then Ben, then Skeletor/Marc Anthony. Really? Those three guys seem completely different. Would they all really be interested in the same woman, other than for her hotness?
It's funny how they loop together, too. Gwyneth Paltrow, who seems incompatible with Ben Affleck seems equally incompatible with Brad Pitt. And how did the guy who dated her also wind up with Jennifer Aniston and then Angelina Jolie?
They're like arranged marriages, I think?
Finally, I am upset to an unreasonable degree about the fact that John Mayer is dating Jessica Simpson. John Mayer is a talented singer-songwriter. He's also really funny and has written great stuff for Esquire. Why oh why is he with an empty-headed girl with big boobs?