Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Agony of De Feet

Next weekend, I will be attending my 15 year high school reunion. Yeah, I know, Internet - I look so fabulous that you can't believe it's not my five year. Anyway, as we are all aware, the point of attending one of these soirees is not to reconnect with old friends, to recall fond memories, or to hit the bar, so much as it is an opportunity to look absolutely freaking fabulous.

Running, of course, goes a long way in making that happen. Thanks to our favorite sport, I weigh just five pounds more than I did when I was sixteen. I bought a dress for the event that looks great on me. It's a halter style, showing off the strong shoulders that cross-training sessions in the pool have given me. Running has elmininated both my gut and my butt, so the fact that it's a jersey knit is not a big no-no. And it's short, showing off my runner legs (though not RSS short, thank Yoda).

But, as you pan down past the hem of my dress, you reach a problem. While the rest of my body is a runner's body, so, too, are my feet. And though I may wish it were so, the dress does not look good with running shoes or moon boots which might cover up my unsightly hooves. Alas, it calls for something that does, in fact, expose my feet.

I pretty much beat the hell out of my feet with running. They are callused, with hideous patches of dry skin that flake off in sheets. I keep my toenails cut ridiculously short, so as to keep them from turning black and falling off. My current shoes created a battle with blisters that I think I have, for the moment, won. Several of my toes are now old man toes, thick and yellow. There is a clear sock line, despite my careful application of sunscreen. The only good thing I can say is that, at least for the moment, I do not have athlete's foot. For the moment.

When reunion time comes, I am basically going to put a bow on the pig - that is, get a pedicure, paint my toenail stubs a shiny red, and hope that no one looks too closely at the wreck beneath the red paint.

But red paint or not, I am still me. The very first thing I'll tell the pedicurist will be, "Keep my calluses, please. I'm a runner."

7 comments:

newsjunkie said...

HA! I went through the same thing with my cousin's wedding last weekend. I have two toenails that are just itching to fall off, and of course I currently have pedicured toes so it would be REALLY noticeable if they did. So, all week long I was just praying that they would hang on through the wedding. Fortunately, they did, though I'm sure not too many people were looking at my feet anyway...

tfh said...

Since high school reunions are also a time to prove you're more successful than anybody else, you could always keep the ugly feet and make up a story about spending the last year in China conducting research for a tome on foot-binding which involved partially enacting the process on yourself. Fieldwork you might say.

Anyway I'm looking forward to hearing how you blew all your classmates away and all the girls who once tormented you are now fat and divorced, etc.

Meg said...

I feel the same way about my feet, they are definitely gross (someone pointed that out to me recently!) but I paint my toes and wear whatever I want. Have fun at your reunion! :)

Julie said...

http://www.zappos.com/n/es/d/722000240/page/1.html

What you need are some closed-toe slingbacks! Sure, you may need to sand down and moisturize your heels a bit. But your well-defined insteps will show, while your unsightly toes are cleverly hidden.

Can't do much about the tan lines...

Heather said...

I don't think anybody is going to notice your feet. They are going to be too busy gawking over your runner's body and wondering what your secret is!

Lisa said...

Have fun at your reunion. Who has 15 year reunions?? You must have graduated with a bunch of people who like to party :-)

My last pedicure I had to argue with the woman not to get rid of my callouses (and I don't have many). She just didn't understand why I didn't want her to shave them right off. I worked HARD for that rough skin!

I hope you can post pictures of your fab self at the reunion.

suzee said...

You look fabulous, and I totally agree with Julie, get the slingbacks if you can't make the toes pretty. Heels for sure, to show off the calves.

(I am a pretty foot sissy...I get pedis once a month in summer/fall and I only make them leave the one callous that's essential for running, on my middle toe, right foot. I worked hard for these legs, I'm showing 'em off.) :-)