Friday, May 23, 2008

Say My Name

In the book Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris was disappointed to learn that his IQ was too low to qualify for Mensa.

Hugh consoled me by saying, "Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at."

When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he'll need some time to think.

This passage has always amused me, because I do believe that one of my great talents has always been naming stuffed animals. Never have I had a teddy bear named Teddy or some such foolishness. Under my watch, stuffed animals get names that truly suit them, Roary being a prime example.

Clearly, some of my BRF's, with sadly unnamed Garmins, need my help.

Nancy, your Garmin is now named Ayla, after Daryl Hannah's cavegirl character in Clan of the Cave Bear. Club in hand, Ayla will spur you on throughout your workouts.

Kent, I have decided to name your Garmin Bob, after Dr. Robert Atkins, the man who helped transform you into the man you are today.

Nitmos? Bad news, buddy: your Garmin is now named Vanilla, after your nemesis. Think of it this way: when it beeps at you, you can say, "Shut up, Vanilla. I know what I'm doing."

Jen calls herself The 311 Boys' Mom because her two sons were both born on March 11 - more than a decade apart. Jen's Garmin will be known as June, since I have a feeling June is a lucky month for her.

(List to be updated as more BRF's are in need of my skills. Other skills, by the way, include drawing Star Wars characters in a manner realistic enough to suit a three-year-old and finding my way in malls.)


Nat said...

Too funny. Until I read Topher's post I had no idea that my Garmin need a name. In this household it is refered to as "The Garmin"...

Laura said...

I suppose in order to get a cool name for my Garmin, I would have to get a Garmin. I'll take that under consideration...

K said...

You crack me up. That's hilarious.

Oh, and speaking of Star Wars, I noticed at Target today that they sell Star Wars underpants for boys that GLOW IN THE DARK. How cool is that?

Kent said...

While at least you didn't name mine after some failed Microsoft operating system from the nineties designed for kindergartens or elderly people. I like it though. Bob definitely needs to go for a run tomorrow.

I did just get finished reading a really great sci-fi book called Old Man's War by John Scalzi, and each soldier is implanted with a tiny computer. My wife was laughing today at the name the main character called his -- think rear orifice. At least, I can talk to my Garmin now in mixed company. :-D

Jess said...

I love that passage in Sedaris' book! Although, I love how Hugh says that vacumming is a talent. Cracks. Me. Up.

My Garmin is simply named Garmy. Not very original.

Ovens2Betsy said...

My Garmin needs a name!

Ovens2Betsy said...

Assuming I liked this chef I've thought of a perfect name: Paula Deena (famed Food Network diva). However, not only is her Southern accent too "precious," no runner (or anyone for that matter) in their right mind would eat her food. Can you say BUTTER? Heck, she even has a recipe for deep-fried butter!

So I'm sure you can come up with something better!

Vanilla said...

Heh heh heh.

My Garmin is named Gustavo or sometimes Gus. It's appropriate because the manual that came with it was in Spanish.

The 311 Boys Mom said...

I Love it.


& that month is sooo lucky for me, that from this week in May till the middle of July my Darling Hubby and I have NO physical Contact; not even kissing, it seems, cause YOU NEVER KNOW!!!!

JUST TRYING TO BE SAFE!!! :o) (I'm also on the BC, but I was when I was blessed with the Parker-ster).

Thank you & I do believe I may start stealing (and at first giving you your props) for all the new fancy words you use.

as my 4 yr told me he has NEVER said the 'H word" & he was still on red (in big trouble at school); I said what did you say, "I said 'what the hell' not the H-word, cause that's bad!!!"

I promptly thought of Jess's saying "oh christ on crutches!"
explain to my very LITERAL 4 yr old.