Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Winning and Losing

As Jack grows up, I see it as my duty to teach him a number of important lessons. Lessons such as where it is, and is not appropriate to bring a lightsaber, will surely serve him well as he becomes a productive member of society. One of his most recent lessons was that when you play games, sometimes you do not win. This is, of course, especially true if you play against me at a trivia game, even if the trivia game is just Disney Scene It.

Jack reacted to Mommy's recent victory (which I swear was free of trash talking) by punching me.

Steve and I immediately declared "bedtime" and scooped him up.

Now, Jack is of a mind that if you ahve already hit Mommy, you are pretty much in as much trouble as you can be, so you might as well keep going. His ensuing rampage included throwing a toothpaste covered toothbrush at the wall, pouring a cup of water on the floor, and an impressive overall level of bitchiness.

When he finally calmed down, it was time for the Parental Lecture. This time, I stepped in:

Jack, you know how sometimes Mommy likes to run races? Well, sometimes I win, and it is awesome. I love the feeling of winning, of knowing I ran a great job. And I get to bring home a trophy or a medal, and that's really cool, too. But sometimes, even though I tried my hardest and ran really fast, I don't win. And that makes me mad, and it makes me sad, because I really wanted to win, and I really wanted to get that trophy. But, the other woman beat me fair and square, and that's just the way it is. And it would not be okay for me to hit the woman who beat me in the race, would it?

Jack agreed that it would not.

With the Parental Lecture over and the lesson (hopefully) learned, I tucked him in and kissed him goodnight.

But, you guys?

I cannot get out of my head the image of punching some chick who beat me in a race. She sprints past me to the finish (no doubt 'roided up), and as she turns to congratulate me on a good race, I punch her square in the ear.

That, my friends, would send a message far more clear than the one I tried to impart on Jack, that message being: Do not pass me in a race. I like to think that the word would get out, and other women in my age group would think, "Well, I would like to win, but I would also like to not be punched in the ear. Maybe second place is not so bad."


runatthemouth said...

I'm open to this idea. I'm just not sure how this would work. In my last race, I came in 14th out of 39. That's a lot of punching.

Do I just punch the ones who are right in front of me? I'm not fast enough to punch the front runners. Maybe I should just punch people who pass me? How do I know someone's in my age group? Should I just punch all the women?

Perhaps I just need to preemptively punch anyone who looks faster than me before the race even starts...

newsjunkie said...

I'd have thousands of women to punch. Or are we limiting it to women in our age group? In that case I'd only have hundreds of women to punch...

PalmettoRunner said...

Punching might not be the best option. Mistakes will be made in the 1000 people I'd have to find who beat me on a regular basis.

But I will say that sometimes in crowded 5K or 10K races, I'll run with my iPod. I have a playlist that includes "Move B**ch (Get Out The Way)" by Ludacris. Comes in really handy during the Peachtree Road Race.

If you've never heard it:

(many, many naughty words, but the refrain sums things up pretty well).

Kent said...

If I should ever get to the point of actually leading a race (which is a whole level of awesomeness that I will never attain) and some young runner was going to pass me, I would have to pull a Gandalf. "You shall not pass!"

(and then smack 'em with my staff, and run to the finish line)

Andrew is getting fit said...

I think I'd be quite safe running in a race with you as you'd finish comfortably ahead of me. :)

Joe said...

Hmmmmm... what about not punching, just carrying a stick you can use to trip them up?


raulgonemobile said...

Even in small local races, I'd have a lot of punching to do.. hrms. Maybe I'd bring an entourage of bodyguards and we could work through the people?

Funny post.

Nitmos said...

I think punching should be part of running. And now, your mental image, has inspired me to create a new sport.

Nat said...

hahahaha.... might "Dude, we better walk for a bit, I hear betsy hits people who pass her."

Wait there are places where it's not appropriate to bring a light saber.